remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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