There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
