she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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