I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY