And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Congratulations! We have a period
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
