as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out