is your mom at the bar?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She made me pour olive oil on her.