Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.

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(410): So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it. http://tfl.nu/iplm

Replies (41) Good night (3788) Bad night (1255)
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(404): View more from Georgia

her nose should be used as a dorsal fin

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(404): her nose should be used as a dorsal fin http://tfl.nu/cjiq

Replies (10) Good night (699) Bad night (3151)
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(913): View more from Kansas

checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.

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(913): checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad. http://tfl.nu/40qb

Replies (27) Good night (1925) Bad night (7472)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.

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(541): Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh. http://tfl.nu/1se4

Replies (72) Good night (6711) Bad night (2115)
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(707): View more from California

he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"

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(707): he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?" http://tfl.nu/pefr

Replies (22) Good night (5824) Bad night (2348)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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(678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e

Replies (44) Good night (7473) Bad night (1973)
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(630): View more from Illinois

At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us

(847): View more from Illinois

You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.

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(630): At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us (847): You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high. http://tfl.nu/59an

Replies (6) Good night (2861) Bad night (1428)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.

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(864): She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar. http://tfl.nu/4bhx

Replies (4) Good night (818) Bad night (1294)
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(310): View more from California

How was the party last night?

(314): View more from Missouri

There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.

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(310): How was the party last night? (314): There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it. http://tfl.nu/sxu8

Replies (4) Good night (1962) Bad night (1042)
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(310): View more from California

I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.

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(310): I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations. http://tfl.nu/td7t

Replies (2) Good night (632) Bad night (1024)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..

(973): View more from New Jersey

We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..

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(201): I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again.. (973): We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks.. http://tfl.nu/kzt5

Replies (4) Good night (1743) Bad night (552)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.

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(570): I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended. http://tfl.nu/azds

Replies (1) Good night (989) Bad night (558)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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(479): They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora. http://tfl.nu/rpdd

Replies (5) Good night (709) Bad night (390)
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(361): View more from Texas

I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.

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(361): I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/ovfn

Replies (1) Good night (445) Bad night (343)
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(646): View more from New York

he was definitely tindering while i gave him head

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(646): he was definitely tindering while i gave him head http://tfl.nu/dzhu

Replies (2) Good night (336) Bad night (974)

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