Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.