hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
