RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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