I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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