Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
