I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize