i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We need to rekindle our bromance
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
