Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
