My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
