Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
