party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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