No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
