she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
