I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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