if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
