I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
