Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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