How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
