The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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