Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
