**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
