Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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