You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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