she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
