I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
