she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
