the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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