So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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