You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
