i may or may not be watching the land before time
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
