you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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