my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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