He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i will never coherently bang her
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
