I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
