i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
