im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
