"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
how does that bad decision feel?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
