No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
