I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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