My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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