She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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