She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no, he came in my armpit
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need to calm my uterus...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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