Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
