My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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