my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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