quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
