I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize