What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
