i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
