allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I want to walk on stilts...naked
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
