I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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