How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
