If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
