p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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