You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
