i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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