I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
