Umm I'm too high to move.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
