its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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