forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
