if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
