last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
