how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
