Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
