You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
