I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
