I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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