I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
