I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
