4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
