So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
