if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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