Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
