I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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