So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
