i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
