worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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