just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
